I used to be obsessed with K-Pop. I used to watch hours of videos of my favorite groups to find out every little thing about them. I watched BigBang’s documentary about their training and debut one weekend while I was sick at college. I would try to find a place to download all of my favorite group’s albums. I signed up for K-Pop forums to find people who shared the same passion for the music like I did.
But one day this all stopped. I stopped watching hours of footage to watch BigBang make a fool of themselves. I stopped scouring the internet for everything I could find out about Super Junior. I still go on the forums because I did make friends on the forums.
For almost a year, I treated K-Pop like a special toy that I needed to know everything about and I burned out quickly. I didn’t care about what my “biases” were doing anymore. I only cared about the music and I still do. Coincidentally, this all happened when I got into Jay Park.
When I was 10, I discovered the Backstreet Boys, thanks to my brother. I wanted to know everything about them. I remember collecting J-14, Bop, M, and other teenage magazines for clippings and posters of the Backstreet Boys. I was crazy over them. It was pure obsession. I even carried around a poster of the Backstreet Boys! It’s embarrassing and funny at the same time but I was 10. What did I know?
Fifteen years later (I discovered K-Pop in 2012), I reverted back to that stage of rabid fan. I never particularly was like this with any metal or punk bands. I just needed their music and, God, did the music save me. I did not even care about Mike Ness’ past because he was singing songs I needed to hear. Why did I treat these groups differently? Why did I hold Eunhyuk, member of Super Junior, on such a pedestal? Why did I look at G-Dragon with wide eyes like I discovered the God of all music and I needed to bow down immediately?
G-Dragon, Eunhyuk, Jay Park, Donghae, Yuri and so many others that I do like in K-Pop are no different than Mike Ness, Jeremy McKinnon, Zacky Vengeance and many other metal and punk kids that I look up to. They make music to make me happy. Why was I treating K-Pop like I was 10 again? I was around 24 or 25 at the time and on my way to graduate college. There’s nothing wrong with loving music artists at any age but the way I loved these K-Pop stars was a little disturbing to me. Why would I stay up to watch Super Junior’s comeback stage like my life depended on it? Watching music shows and going on YouTube instantly to watch what they do doesn’t matter to me anymore.
I remember taking my time picking my favorite member in Super Junior rather than studying for finals. Again, there is nothing wrong with any of this but at the same time it’s not healthy. I would have rather watched Super Junior walk through an airport in Incheon, South Korea than do a photography job. I did not have my life together at the time. I was a year from graduating (I did graduate in 2013 and it was emotional) and I didn’t care because I wanted to move to Korea and do what? Nothing?
I love music. I have an immense love for music. It’s what drives me to be a better person but obsessing over the people that the make the music isn’t really good; it wasn’t for me. I was trying to reclaim my childhood. I was afraid to grow up. I was about to be a college graduate with too many goals that I just drowned it out with guys and girls that dance way better than me. It was as if I tried to avoid my new chapter in life: semi-adulthood. Let’s be real, even two years after graduating college, I still haven’t gotten this adult thing down yet. I tried to push away my thoughts about being a college graduate with watching hours of footage of people doing things I didn’t care. I did not even care about Eunhyuk climbing a pole and attempting to dance on an episode of Strong Heart. I should have been studying! I laugh at my 24 year old self because I was not in the right frame of mind I think.
K-Pop is just a music genre. There is nothing special about it. If you really think about it, it’s nothing special. I love the groups and artists I found. I still love listening to the music…when I’m not having Jamey Jasta scream at me. Yes, Jamey Jasta, I will make my voice heard! Earlier, I mentioned that all of this realization happened when I did discover Jay Park. I didn’t even want to know everything about him. All I cared about was the fact his music was good at the time. His music got better but that’s not the point, now is it?
I can wait months at a time now to even try to watch Taeyang be funny. I can wait a few weeks to get a hold of an album and I don’t need to feel like I have to watch Yuri’s new drama. All of this means nothing in the grand scheme of things. I’m 27 now which is the most shocking thing and I’m turning my passion for Korean pop stars into a blog which a mixture of me poking fun at Paige, a WWE Diva, and reviewing metal albums.
There’s really nothing wrong with wanting to know everything but know your limits. Don’t let this be a distraction like it distracted me. I wrote a paper for a journalism class over people stalking Leeteuk when I had a brilliant article about the powerful use of photography in journalism. I regret that because I let some silly thing get in the way of possibly a big article I could have even sent to the New York Times. What was I even thinking? I did pass the class though but I would never use that article in my journalism portfolio. Thanks, Leeteuk!
It’s just music. I’ll sit back and listen to BigBang; not because I feel like have to but because I want to. I don’t even know what they’re up to and I don’t care anymore. I’ll find out on Instagram, I guess.
Rana Nicole 